Eventually Good Sex Does Take A Back Seat

A while back, I asked if good sex trumped batshit crazy as it related to my girlfriend. Well, I am unequivocally say the answer is no!  This weekend I became the biggest douchebag in her eyes, but I also feel very relieved.

I did not plan on breaking up just before Christmas. It just happened. She was out with friends at a party and I sent a text asking if she was having a good time. I did not respond in time and I received a “why are you ignoring me? what have I done?” text. Time elapsed–under 10 minutes.

Well, it blew up with me trying to explain that I was not ignoring and I indeed had reached out to see how she was. But that meant nothing. Because I did not respond in under ten minutes, I was cold, uncaring, didn’t love her and ignoring her.  Go figure!

Eventually the fight escalated and I said I had serious doubts since this “ignoring” thing comes up a lot. Oh, if I hadn’t said it before, we live about 2 hours apart so it is a somewhat LDR. I said I needed to get my thoughts together and that we needed to take a break and see if it made sense.

Well, that has not gone over too well and now I am answering the “so, you are willing to throw it all away because of one little text tiff?” questions.  Well, there is a lot more involved in my decision on my end, but just throwing them out there doesn’t serve any purpose beyond making me look like a nitpicker in her eyes and further complicating a break up. In making her argument she told me that she was not jealous of two of my married female friends (we’ve played in a trivia league for years) and that she never said anything after my last business trip. I am not sure why she feels that that makes her a saint. I mean they are married and it was a business trip. I have been questioned why I do not take her on business trips and the answer is simple–they pay me to go on these trips to speak to conferences, I am busy, and she was not invited.

But for now, I am sad for sure. But somewhat relieved. Hopefully the awkwardness will wear off and we can find a way to be civil–but she has a tempre, I tend to forgive and forget.  And in the end, no matter how good the sex, it does not trump batshit crazy!

The Perceived Competition Heats Up

After the bulleted list of complaints, my ex mentioned to me on the phone that she does not like me “competing” with her for the kids.  I am not sure where she is coming from with that accusation, but she said that by giving my daughter a check and a gift, I was competing against her. I explained that I was not–that I was giving my daughter some money and a gift.  I can do that to anyone in the world and it’s ok. I explained that I also do it to my other children.

Now granted, my other kids are here and now and a lot of their “gifts” are movie tickets, car insurance premiums, and other day to day type treats. But my daughter in college is far away and a check made sense.  She disagreed and said that I was competing and trying to make her look bad. Whatever!

For the past week, I have been receiving daily calls, emails, and texts. The message is the same “the check’s not here.”  This check is for the orthodontics she contracted for all of my kids without regard to my input and then reneged on when she re-divorced. You can read about in prior posts. But anyhow, since her other ex husband flew the coop, I ended up with the remainder of the bill (unexpected) and ultimately owing her a few grand since it would be lopsided. Hence a $150 a month payment.

I have the checks scheduled to go from my bank directly to her and they are written on the 15th of the month. This month, the 15th was a Saturday so it was written on the 17th. Now her mail service is spotty and it is typical for her to call and look for a check and then it shows up in the mail that day or the next.   But the messages this month were a little more frequent. Hmm.

Well, last night I learned why she wanted the money so bad.  Apparently she decided to take a  mini-vacation to Florida to go visit my daughter in college, take her and all of her roommates out to a nice dinner and take them shopping.  And who is competing here? When we split the cost of the drive to take her to school (less than a month ago) the fuel alone was $300.

And to be honest, this is cool. If she can swing it and take time off work, afford it, etc. Great!  But what really hurt me is that my youngest daughter asked me, “how can she afford that? When I am at her house she is always saying there is not enough money for food for the week.”  Uhm priorities!  Maybe she needs to get them together? You think? But that can wait until after the vacation!


Doing What’s Right Is Not Under Consideration

My daughter is now in college and adjusting to college life and there are some trials and tribulations in learning to live in a dorm with other young women.  One roommate has decided to switch rooms.

The latest issue involves a refrigerator that was rented from the college by the two of them for the year. My advice to my daughter was that she owed the former roommate the money and ideally, the other two roommates ought to kick in and they should reimburse the former roommate.

This morning, I had a conversation with my ex wife and she advised my daughter to not give her former roommate anything at all. She explained that it was a contract and that the former roommate broke the contract and it is too bad for her.

OK maybe from a legal sense that is correct, but what about teaching your kid to do what is right?  I guess that has no bearing according to my ex-wife. I would understand it if it was mid-year, but this was literally two weeks into the school year.  I tried to explain my position to my ex and she was not having any of it.

My ex also told me that the agreement between all of the roommates was that the two that did not rent the refrigerator were bringing other “room” things–printer, vacuum, etc.

This is really disconcerting to me. I try to raise my kids to do what is right. Sometimes it might mean that you need to swallow some pride, it might cost you a few bucks, but always do what is right.  It’s a shame that this trait has seemingly been eradicated by my ex wife!


I Had A Great Time Except For These Five Items

Last week I received an email from my ex-wife that started out nice enough but took an ugly turn. She commented on how nice and unawkward the time was when we were together moving my daughter into college. I agree. We played well together and it all went well.

Then she said she started to think and came up with a bulleted list of her latest complaints.

  • How dare I give my daughter a check to spend at school. My ex bought a lot of the school room stuff (I suggested waiting till we got to school to see what was really needed, but she insisted) and I left my daughter a check for my “share” and told her it was for room stuff that you realize you need or want but did not think about. My ex has a problem with that. I suppose she wants to give the appearance that only she cares for my daughter.
  • How dare I have a gift for my daughter delivered to her dorm. On my way out of town my other daughter and I discovered an inexpensive room decor thing. It was large (in size) and the store agreed to hand deliver it to the school. When my ex found out, she had a fit. I was now undermining her authority.  Again, I guess she needs to approve all gifts in advance.
  • How dare I try to raise a “trailer trash” daughter when she tries so hard to instill good values. This stemmed from a “routine” that my daughter and I have. One time when she was 16, she flipped me the bird playfully. It was a risk for her, but it was not done out of anger. We laughed and now it is our inside joke. I have a photo on my desk of me and her flipping each other the birds. She is 18. She is smart. She does not routinely go around flipping the bird to people. But my ex wife feels that yes, because we laugh about this that I am a horrible influence on her. Coming from the thrice divorced woman who cheated on me, and abandons any financial commitment she enter into.
  • How dare I encourage and make a joke out of underaged drinking. Again, lacking any sense of humor, she pitched a fit when I gave my daughter advice on being sick. I told her to ride it out and eat full healthy meals, and drink lot’s of fluids. I added a PS that by fluids I meant water and juice and not vodka and beer.  It was a joke. My ex sees it as encouraging her to be “trailer trash” and drinking underaged.
  • How dare I allow our almost-21 year old son to plan to go out drinking for his birthday. Apparently he told her that he planned to go out drinking to celebrate his 21st birthday at some point over that weekend. Well, isn’t this something that most 21 year old people do? Again, he has a good head on his shoulders and is responsible, so why is it an issue? He will have a DD or will have a place to stay and will not be driving. Since they were six, I have always instilled the fear of drinking and driving. She always disagreed and said that I should never talk about it to minors. I never gave up and always felt that when the time came to drink, they needed to know how to do it responsibly and the responsibility came just as naturally as walking. You teach them at a young age and hopefully they will learn and respect that.

So there you have it. A nice weekend except.  Does anyone have the name of a good shrink?

The College Tuition Dance

According to our divorce agreement, my ex wife and I can contribute to the college education of our children if we are able.  I have documented the lack of information and involvement I have had with my daughter’s college in the power play that my ex wife is trying to execute.

After all the tuition woes and misinformation given to me, it was agreed that I probably could scrounge up half of the balance. Mind you, I did not walk away from a mortgage and declare bankruptcy. Nor do I earn $500 a weekend in cash that is not reported to the IRS.  But that’s beside the point.

When I told her I would pay the school directly, she went ape shit. She told me they did not allow any direct payments and that all payments needed to be through a portal that only she had access to.  This sounded odd to me and I called the school and they had no problem telling me her account number and the address to remit the payment.  When I told my ex wife what they told me, she went ape shit again.  She insisted that if I made a payment all financial aid would be revoked. This sonded strange to me and I poked around some more.

According to an education attorney, her granted aid would be fine, but my ex would be liable for fraud if she indicated that only one parent would be assisting with the tuition.  Well, now we are getting somewhere.  He also said that because of the fraud, future private grants and aid (not federal since it relies on one income) would likely be jeopardized.

OK, so do I pay directly and potentially subject my ex to fraud charges? Or do I allow her to get her way and have me pay her directly? Ultimately I agreed to pay my daughter with a check for the tuition on the advice of my attorney. This creates a paper trail.  And then my daughter could write a check and make her “own” contribution to the tuition. Effectively writing me out of the equation.  ANd that is what I decided to do.

Six days before the due date, I gave her the check. My ex calls three days before the due date with the latest crisis. My daughter is going away and cannot go to the bank. She wants me to go get cash and bring it to her and she will tear up the check. Uhm, I don’t think so!  Apparently stopping at my bank’s branch that is located immediately next to my daughter’s work to cash the check  is “impossible.”  And it is further “impossible” to go to my bank and make a deposit in my daughter’s banks (about 600′ away) in under an hour. It should be noted that the route from work to my ex wife’s house is right along where these branches are.  I suggested she cash the check, take it to my daughter’s bank and deposit the cash, and then make the payment.

Well, after some bitching and moaning over text message, she accused me of being controlling. I asked how? I offered to do the simplest thing and remove her from the payment and she pitched a fit. I gave her a way to make it work and she pitched a fit.  She is up to something, I can almost guarantee it!

I think it is funny how when we first divorced that we both agreed to put the kids first and work together to co-parent. But ever sine my adult son moved from the shared custody arrangement, she has gone out of her way to not co-parent. She has her own agenda and has no interest in co-parenting. I only wish I knew what the agenda was.  I also dread the next three years as my youngest approaches 18.  It will only get worse!