Since my daughter moved in with my ex-wife, my ex has done all in her power to write me out of my daughter’s life. Sometimes successfully, other times not so successfully. But when push comes to shove, my ex always seems to turn to me to bail her out (and like a fool, I usually do), but maybe not this time.

The limit to my involvement in my daughter’s college selection has been a three hour trip to a local school that she did not like. A report from my ex on two other local schools that she did not like. And notice that she got early acceptance at a school she did like.  I was offered to come visit that college with them, but was told about it a day before and could not clear my schedule. It is far away.

So, since acceptance, I have heard nothing. I have asked about scholarships and grants and heard nothing. My ex tells me the average student gets all the aid they need and typically leave after 4 years with $17k in debt. It sounded unbelievable to me and I kept asking her if she had discussed other options with my daughter. No answer. I was told about her roommate selection and this special portal for parents and incoming students (but not given access as there was “nothing important” in there for me), and more. I was all shut out. I had no voice in the discussion of the selection, the major, the location, the cost, the payment–nothing.

Now she is claiming that all of the admission and financial aid officer have misled her (and my daughter) and what looked like a possibility, now looks like a no-go.  Now it seems that the only aid my daughter is able to get is some Federal aid which will leave a $20,000 bill that needs to be handled.  I am not in a position to fund that (or even half). My ex has not pushed my daughter to apply for the myriad of grants and scholarships (I have sent her at least 30 that I came across) and now it looks like it is completely out of the affordability scale.  Perhaps had I been involved I could have asked some questions, considered some options, looked down some avenues and thwarted the disappointment. Maybe not, but certainly having a second set of adult eyes makes sense.  If nothing else, maybe we could have instilled the necessity to apply for grants and scholarships to my daughter long before now.

My daughter is crushed.

So now, my ex says that it is a shame I spent all the money from my mother. Well, actually, when she decided to cheat and we divorced, I bought her house free and clear which she lost to foreclosure because she mortgaged it to the hilt. She had a lot of cash and a new car. I did not want my kids to have too different of a lifestyle and borrowed the money to do it from my mother. When she died, the funds were equalized with my sister–I had to pay it back. So in a sense, it was not me spending my mother’s money, but my ex spending it.  Then she asked if my father (who is approaching 90) would co-sign a loan. I have my doubts.

It dawned on me this morning that this is exactly like the orthodontist issue. She committed herself to an obligation she could not keep and now is looking for someone else to bail her out. It seems like this is the way she runs her entire life. Make the commitment and then bail out.  Someone will always pick up the pieces.

Well now we are scrambling. My daughter does not know if she will be able to attend her college of choice. She has no other pending acceptances (since she took early decision), and is behind in the game to apply and get aid, etc. at any other college.  I am so pissed that my ex refused to discuss options or force options on her. I am pissed at my daughter and my ex for not pursing the opportunities for scholarships and grants.

My daughter has this air of entitlement that I believe she gets from her mother–don’t worry someone will take care of it for me, I have no responsibility.

I feel like shit.